major life decisions

I’m seventeen. I’m a senior in high school. You know what this means: major life decisions.

I want to go to college. I want to study International Relations.

I can’t afford to go to the colleges I want to go to. I need scholarships. I’m applying and hoping.

I am also considering taking a year off and doing something different before going to college. I have found two possible scholarship programs that would pay for me to spend a year in Germany or Norway.

I am applying to the colleges I cannot afford, and the scholarship programs, all this fall.

My father is the least supportive person of any of these things. He thinks they’re all stupid, and we have huge fights about it, and I hate it.

Why can’t I have the sort of family who is encouraging of dream-chasing?

My father says, “You think everything’s just going to work out. Well, it’s not, you’re being stupid and not thinking about this realistically!”

You know what I think? I think you’ll never get where you want and it’ll never work out if you don’t TRY, so I’m trying and hoping it works out and if it doesn’t I’ll just do something else, but I don’t think that means I shouldn’t try.

It’s just so discouraging when your own family, the people you are supposed to be able to turn to everything, can’t seem to be supportive in the least.

I don’t know what to do about it. I try to talk to them reasonably, it becomes a fight in which they insult me, my efforts, and my optimism, and I end up crying about it. But I’m not giving up on what I want to do, even though it’s really fucking hard to keep on trying when there’s no support from my own FAMILY.

1 Comment »

  1. girljordyn Said:

    Oh man you must be REALLY REALLY upset about this because you used a cuss word and I know you don’t like to say them.

    And I’m sorry. I know I have like the most supportive parents EVER so I can’t say I know how you feel, but I can definitely imagine it and I imagine it must suck, must feel like you don’t belong even in the place you were born into. I know you’re driven though, and smart, and optimistic and you know what? THOSE THINGS DO GET YOU PLACES. Hard work and perserverance (or however you spell that) get peope the jobs and the lives they want.
    That, and a healthy dose of luck.

    I know that for the most part we don’t want the same things for our lives and we disagree on a lot of the BIG ISSUES at least somewhat, but just know that I believe in you and what you want to do with your life. At the end of the day, after all, it’s not your parents who’ll have to live with what you decide – it’s you. So it may as well be something YOU like and believe in instead of what they WANT YOU to like and believe in.

    So yeah. Hope that helped, at least some.

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