independence

I still haven’t figured out what independence means, entirely, but part of it is not living with my parents, and I can’t wait for that. 

I love my parents, of course. They’re my parents. But after I graduate, I NEVER want to speak to them on a daily basis. They are…our relationship is complicated. They seem to live to make me feel bad about myself, to insult me and attack me. If I try to start a reasonable discussion about something, they either laugh at me and mock my stupidity/naivety, or it turns into a malicious personal attack. Either way, I end up in tears. I’ve tried to talk to them about it, thinking maybe they don’t realize…and maybe they don’t, but that discussion ended up with me retreating in tears, too. 

But after I’m done with high school and off to college, I might be sort of financially dependent on them as they’re helping out with my college education, but I will not be day-to-day emotionally dependent on them. I can be free of them, and maybe I can finally be happy. I’ll be thrilled to see them at Christmas, but I’ll need the rest of the year to heal. It makes me sad just to think and talk about it, but that’s how it’ll be, and they’ll never have any idea how much it hurts.

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1 Comment »

  1. Maribeth Said:

    I was just dropping by your blog, and I read this. It really touched me, because I think I can relate. 😦


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